I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was like eating out sand paper
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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