We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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