i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
