sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
