Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
