I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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