i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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