4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
