Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
