Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
