i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
