She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
