Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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