I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
