I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
