office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
