I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
