WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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