found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drake has all the answers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
