I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently you make a good broom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
