So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
