fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
