Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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