i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
