I accidentally burped into my bong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
