Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
