After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
