Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i will never coherently bang her
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
