Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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