I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
