I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
