I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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