i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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