i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
