so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
