she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
