Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
