At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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