shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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