My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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