walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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