You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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