Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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