There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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