I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
