Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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