is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
