Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
