you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
