I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
