So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
