you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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