i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
