i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
