Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
