Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
