You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
