and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
