she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
