someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
