I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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