I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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