You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
