i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
