I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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