Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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