1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
