Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
