And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
