she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
