The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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