my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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