they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
