What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize