I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
